The Patty that time forgot
by superman42
Summary: so, Shocker! Damn it patrick has been raised from the dead for all time. I'm putting it in a new setting , Adding some things that might surprise you and in general, making the fat f**k's day as hellish as possible. I plan to rewrite the entire saga into a 4 inch thick tree killer at one point, so every story flows neatly. once done, i will post it here (and pray to god it fits) :)


BB-129: The patty that time forgot

Patrick hated the new Bikini Bottom because everyone was forced to go on a strict diet. No fats, cream, sugar or even corn syrup were allowed in foods. The once great Krusty Krab had been decimated by the explosion and to make matters worse, the sandwiches had mutated, formed a hive mind and identified Patrick as the cause of their near extinction. At midnight, the evil patties gathered at his rock and formed into one gigantic Burger Overlord. It knocked on Patrick's rock, only to get sprayed with mustard, Ketchup and jumped by the crazed sea star, who bit it in half, before eating one end and leaving the other to haul ass to the safety of it's lair, only to realize that Patrick was chasing after it, defying sleep through sheer force of will. It tried to make a shield out of lettuce, bacon and tomatoes, but Patrick chomped his way through the barrier. So the patty creature went into witness protection.

Seven years passed, during which Patrick waited, staving off hunger and thirst by killing and eating jellyfish and drinking from the goo lagoon. The Patty creature had assumed a new identity and a new life in Tentacle Acres. Patrick, armed with a bag of fried oyster skins, made the guards pass out and entered, searching each house like a hawk, his stomach growling like a wolf. The creature feared for its life and scaled the wall. Patrick broke through it. Finally the patty appealed to the Bikini Bottom Supreme court.

"All Rise, the Honorable judge Whopper residing"

The judge took his seat and heard the arguments.

"Your honor, this Creature is here because of fear, that Patrick Star has eaten all of its kin. The People request that the defendant be remanded to jail until such time has passed that he is deemed safe to patty kind" Said the creature's defense lawyer. Patrick was called to the stand

Another growl sent the patty creature into a fit of terror

"Objection your honor, this is all speculation! My client may have an insatiable appetite, but he's not evil, it is just human instinct. The patty is a food, therefore it must be eaten"

The patty creature began to cry tears of Mustard and Mayo before blowing its nose in it's salad napkin

This made the Jury very hungry and the creature began to weep Thousand Island dressing.

The creature's attorney stood up and asked for a redirect

"granted" said the judge

"Permission to treat the witness as hostile?"

"granted"

The defense began their cross examination

"Mr Star, how many patties do you eat a day?"

"4000, 2000 on holidays"

"And is it true that you have eaten more than that? If i offered you $10,000, what would you do with it?"

"Eat more patties, regardless of expiration date"

"and if they were sentient?

"still yes"

"no further questions, your witness!" said the defense

The prosecution was up next and asked Patrick to identify the Defendant

Patrick smiled and said "That terrified creature is my lunch!"

"Objection, relavence?"

"Sustained, Counselor I'd advise you to stay on task"

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

one of the jury stood up and said "We find the defendant...Guilty...of having an insatiable appetite and furthermore, for eating my sandwich late last night, breaking into the Krusty Krab, eating the excess patties, Eating poor Joe the Janitor and making off with Mr Krab's money" Mr Krabs promptly walked in, stabbed Patrick in the nads, shot him in the ass, and walked out with his money.

The patty creature looked up and saw that it was being set free. Patrick, bleeding heavily, immediately tried to eat it, but was held back by guards. "BUT I'M HUNGRY! NO NONONONONO! GET BACK HERE WITH MY SANDWICH!" He screamed as the patty thanked whatever god it worshipped and went back home, only to be eaten by a bat three days later. The bat drank it dry, feasted on its body...and died of a heart attack four hours later.


End file.
